This afternoon, after going to church and having lunch, we stopped at the 76 station in town to get some gas. The gas attendant (we can’t pump our own gas in Oregon, its illegal) was feeling especially lazy and made me go inside with my 76 card…
As I stood there, waiting to pay for my gas, I saw a display of cigarettes.
I quit smoking a little over four years ago. I smoked about a pack to a pack and a half a day, and often chained smoked…. I haven’t had a cigarette since the day that I quit in March 2005….and yet, I can walk into a gas station and be tempted to pick up a pack of Camel Turkish Gold 100’s, or Marlboro Menthol’s, or even some no-name brand vanilla flavored cigarettes.
Sometimes I dream about smoking. I walk into a 7-11 store and buy a pack, and smoke it, and then want more and more and more.
The power of temptation is amazing. But I thank God that I still haven’t picked up a cigarette in four years. This Easter Sunday, as I should be meditating on the cross and our Lord’s resurrection from the dead, as I type this, I am craving those cigarettes that I saw sitting on the counter of the gas station. Its like being hungry, an insatiable appetite for something that won’t nourish my body, but will kill it. Yet, its still there.
Jesus help me. This sucks.
Josh